Singles, Sex & Soul Ties

I’m sitting here, nestled snugly in the coziest living room ever, with the backdrop of the glorious English countryside in view. Our family has been here since the beginning of April and we are now entering June… Day 62, to be exact. Last weekend I shared my heart on Marriage with a wonderful group here…

Days before this, I shared on all things “pre-wedding” or “pre-marriage”… Well, not all things exactly, but a few things I wish I had known in my single days, some nine-odd years ago. It goes like this;

Dear Singles,

Please PURSUE PURPOSE, you are an amazing individual with unique qualities that can only be attributed to you. So be you. Find out what you were created for. What is the destiny God has for you? Right now is such a distinct time to cultivate your relationship with Jesus. It is a time where you can search your own heart and find out who you truly are in God and what he has made you passionate about.

Psalm 37:4 in the Amplified Bible says, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.”

Another way to look at that verse is that it’s God who put the desires in your heart to begin with. So when you are walking as a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), those desires are sanctified and from Him and therefore He will grant them.

God wants you to know and understand the blueprint he has for your individual life. He wants you to walk in the strategic implementation of His specific design for your life. Think about it,  as an un-married or single person, you have the most “alone time” you will ever have!  There is no other time in your life when you will only be responsible for yourself, aside from right now. Eventually you will find Mr. Right or Miss Right and become married, then have children, maybe a dog or a goldfish… who knows what else. No longer will you have the quantity of alone time as you have now. So use it to your advantage and discover who you truly are!

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand-” Psalm 139:13-18 (KJV)

This passage of scripture, especially verse 16, clearly shows that each person has a destiny, a divine purpose… and it is essential to discover this before entering a covenant relationship in marriage.

Psalm 37:23 in the New Living Translation says, “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” or the translation we may be more familiar with is … The steps of a RIGHTEOUS man are ordered of the Lord. The Amplified Bible reads…  “The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step].”

That scripture in an important reminder that God’s got your back! He’s into the details and so should you be. Especially, that tiny detail of~ who you date. Which leads me to my next point… BE INTENTIONAL.

Be intentional in the relationships you start and cultivate. You don’t want to start flippant relationships out of loneliness or your desire to be loved. You must come to a place in your life where you are complete in God, I didn’t say perfect, I said complete. This is often hard, as we have all been created with a desire to love, have fellowship and create a bond with someone. Remember, this isn’t a waiting game. You are not “less than” or “half of a person” who is just waiting around for Mr. Right or Mrs. Right to show up and until that moment you’ll just kind of make it by in life. No way!! Like we mentioned before, God states in his Word, the steps of the Righteous are ordered by the Lord… as you walk out the clear purposes and intentions He has mapped out for you, the spouse he has intended will come along side in a parallel path. It’s not like a fork in the road, but rather like an on-ramp to the highway. There’s no change of direction or slowing in speed, if anything, there is acceleration when the unity begins and you join in stride with one another.

Maybe at this point in your life, you have your purpose figured out or some sort of direction on your destiny and feel ready for your soul-mate. You know it’s your time for marriage and pursuing a covenant relationship. Let me remind you, not everyone that comes along is the right one. They may look like it, may act like it, and their family may even like you… but if you have a check on the inside or sense some red-flags, as they say, then you need to follow the Holy Spirit. He is trying to send out a warning signal! Like blinking lights saying, please proceed with caution…

Don’t try to fulfill those godly desires for a marriage relationship pre-maturely, it will only end in heart break and soul-ties that will need to be dealt with. Which leads me to exactly that, because if you are anything like me… you have had one or two relationships before you met the one that really makes your heart skip a beat. So what do you do if you’ve been there and how do you walk in freedom now?

First, let’s talk about what a Soul Tie is! A soul tie is a linkage or link between two individuals with either positive or negative benefits. It is in both the soul realm which consists of our MIND, WILL and EMOTIONS and the spiritual realm. When in the context of a healthy marriage, a soul tie brings the benefits of unity and oneness; the art of agreement. However, soul ties that exist from “un-holy” or “un-sanctified” relationships will lead to demonic perversion or a twist to what a true relationship is.

A few ways these unhealthy soul ties can form are:

• Abusive relationships (physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally)
• Controlling dating relationships and even friendships
• Adulterous affairs
• Sex before marriage
• Obsessive entanglements with a person (giving them more authority in your life than you give to God)

Often times, if a person has had many past dating relationships they will find it hard to connect in a trusting godly relationship until the soul ties are broken. The most common reference to soul ties is related to sex before marriage. Microchimerism, in the scientific world, is known as when a woman carries the DNA belonging to a man or the presence of a Y chromosome is detected in the woman. The DNA can exist inside a woman’s cells for decades! A woman will absorb and carry living DNA from every man that she has unprotected sex with. That is insane to think about! This is why it is so important to protect your purity, ladies, and remember that you are worth waiting for. There is honor in your virginity and purity. Not only spiritually, but physically as well. If you are having sex with someone outside of marriage, you are entering into a covenant with them whether you know it our not. Your Spirit, Soul and Body are all involved in this beautiful act of love and it should be reserved for the Marriage bed. Song of Solomon 8:4 declares, “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.” 

Yet, soul ties are not limited to sexual relationships, but can also be between two close friends. For Example, do you know someone in your life that you constantly feel the need to tell everything to? Yet afterward you feel a strange guilt or unhealthy weight, instead of feeling lighter… you almost ask yourself, why did i just tell them this? Those are unhealthy soul ties used for control and manipulation.

Soul ties can also be formed by any agreement, vow, contract or covenant made between two individuals. The main example being marriage, as you are literally making a vow during the ceremony. (Ephesians 5:31) So if you have discovered that you have soul ties that need to be broken off of you, how do you break them?

First step is recognizing they are there. Once you recognize the soul ties in your own life, you now have the authority by Christ Jesus to break them. First, repent of any sins that may have caused the soul tie to be created in the first place. (Acts 3:19) Apply the blood of Jesus to that situation. Just like a paint brush, picture that person or situation and paint right over it with the blood of the Lamb! Next, throw away or rid yourselves of anything symbolic of that relationship that is now cut off. Severe it at it’s root! I personally burned up anything from my past relationships or anything linking me to an unhealthy friendship that had a soul tie. That may seem extreme, but when you take your covenant with God serious… there is no measure that is ‘too great’ to take to be free!

After repentance, verbally renounce and break the soul ties that were created. Do it out loud so your own ears can hear what you are saying. In Jesus name, severe all the ties by the authority Christ has given you. Then take that step to walk out forgiveness. Forgiveness is the key to your freedom! If you don’t learn to forgive yourself first you will not be able to forgive the other person and walk in complete Freedom.

Who the Son sets free, is free indeed! “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Cor. 3:17 NLT)