I asked her quite plainly, as if it was the casual conversation of friends who had known each other for years. Or maybe the tone was one of an inquisitive child.
“Did you speak often when he was alive?”
Feet dangling off the edge into the cool waters of the lake. Toes flicking, ripples. We are not those in a glass box, being observed. Just for that moment we are girls splashing the crisp waters below.
Without lifting gaze, her response penetrated me… unknowingly she seared my soul. It was the simple words that carried weight.
“No. Why would I? When he was the one… When he was always there to preach. I didn’t need to.”
Her steely blue eyes locked into mine as she said with a sting in her throat… “I know how it is. I was you. I have already lived it.”
As I drove away from that melancholic afternoon of conversations between old friends and new acquaintances, stolen moments away from the microscope. I exhaled doubt. I exhaled fear. I exhaled every excuse I had used up to that point. I drifted to sleep gazing at the imprint of her face, eyes welling up with tears about to spill over but never granting us an audience.
I promised myself, I will speak… even if I don’t need to. Even if the doubts and fears come flooding back. Even in a moment of insecurity, when others are more qualified I will be like Isaiah and say “Here am I. Send me!” (Is. 6:8)
Take a moment and reflect on some conversations you’ve had recently where God is trying to speak to you about a particular situation in your life. What does he do? How does he reveal himself to you?
In the comments below, share some of your stories of divine moments where God spoke to you in the little things!
2 thoughts on “Words From Another…”
The rain, one afternoon the rain was falling. It was one of those washing refreshing rains and everything was so still and green. I had recently had a phone conversation with my parents. Then once again I felt my expectations of their approval of me rise and deflate in one sentence. I listened as they boasted about my siblings and their achievements and doings. I felt invisible after all I had done or tried to do in my life, especially after giving my life to Christ over 20 years ago. I know they were proud but it never seemed like it was enough. I didn’t go to college, I was no longer working in a career and what schooling I did get after high school wasn’t enough. I was overweight and overwhelmed with life and sickness. It had to stop! Then it did that one rainy Saturday. As I sat outside in my carport looking out at the rain I cried and poured my heart out to God. It was quiet and all I could hear was the sound of the rain falling through the leaves and hitting the boat tarp. Tap tap tap. The rain seemed to almost me falling in slow motion. Eventually I couldn’t tell the difference between the rain and my tears. It was at that moment He was washing me. Taking all the hurt and disappointment away. Telling me I was enough and that he approved me and that was all that mattered. It was then I stood up from my stool and I felt a nudge in my back. I heard “step out into the rain”. I slowly took a step , then two, and felt another nudge, then three! I was in the rain and I heard “look up” and it was at that moment the cool drops of rain mixed with my tears and He was literally washing me. Washing it all away. I would cry and then joy would come. I would cry then more joy would come. I was getting soaked but I didn’t care. I was having an encounter with my Father. The one I needed approval from. I felt so empty but yet so full. As I turned and looked out over the landscape it was like I took a still shot of the image and I knew at that moment I had just seen a prophetic type of vision. With the Lord pouring water on me from above washing me. Since I’m an artist I immediately registered that in my mind and thought I need to paint this. I walked inside and went to my bathroom and looked in the mirror and said “Lord I want to be free from this once and for all. I forgive my parents. Forgive them because they really don’t know. I want and need only your approval and I want to see and love myself as you do. At that moment I looked in the mirror and my eyes were so clear. Crystal clear and purest of color that they had ever been. The hurt was gone from my eyes! The sadness Gone! Then the Lord said “you are looking at an image of Jesus”. Well then I just fell into a puddle again and nothing but thank you was on lips. After that I went to my art table and sighing a matter of hours I had finished a painting of “The washing “. To this day I cannot deny that is was the Holy Spirit himself that kept nudging me to step out into the rain. I am forever grateful to my Lord for this act. For It was another step toward my forever freedom. There is healing in the rain.🙂
Thank you for all you and Charlie do for the kingdom. Love you both.
Dee, Thank you so much for sharing!! This will encourage so many readers. What a beautiful testimony of God’s washing, cleansing and re-filling. It’s true… He IS the only one we need approval from. ~Brynn